You're my little dorito
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
