I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
