yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
is wine microwaveable?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
