anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
