sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
