I got chris browned last night
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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