I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
