I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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