I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Randomize
