i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
