Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
