WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
