I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
