I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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