i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
