Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
