something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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