sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Is Oprah even human
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
