his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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