Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Do vagina's smell?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
