Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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