C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
