Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
