wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
God, you're like boner-b-gone
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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