You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
