So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
