hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Randomize
