He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
