my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
