my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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