Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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