you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
