I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Dignity is for republicans.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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