So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
