Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
