I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
