I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Randomize
