so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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