The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
