Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
