i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
