you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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