I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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