so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
