I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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