Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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