i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
