in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
