I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
