@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
