I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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