I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
