No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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